1. I want everyone to benefit from my dating mistakes and discoveries. Even though the name of the blog sounds more ethnic or interracial relationship focused, the information here is universal for all singles and couples, and will be relevant today and tomorrow. It was a long, difficult journey for me to find the right person. I made my mistakes and had my a-ha moments, and I want to take everything I know and pour it into one guide. If there is even one person who benefits from an idea in this blog, then that’s a win.
2. I want to help the good fellas and ladies out there in the love department. There are some dating blogs out there for guys who want to be pick up artists, and some that chronicle all the wild adventures of a girl dating in the city. I have nothing against those blogs, but this one is for the good guys and girls out there who are looking to play for keeps.
This blog is for: the guy who was rejected when they were in high school because they didn’t have the fancy car or was not the jock. The girl who has tried for years to look for a good guy, but ends up meeting jerks. The guy who worked hard in school, got good grades and a decent job but didn’t have much time to date or doesn’t have a ton of experience. The single mom who is struggling to meet the right guy who will be there for her and her daughter. This is the blog I would have liked to read when I was single.
3. I want to inspire the underdogs out there. All our lives, we hear and see in pop culture that the masculine ideal is ‘tall, dark, and handsome.’ That’s what we see in Hollywood. That’s what sexy cologne advertisements in magazines show us. That’s what Taylor Swift sings in ‘Wildest Dreams.’ And being 5 foot 2 and single, that sucks. There was nothing I could do in the tall department. I was the last person you would notice in a crowded room. When I was doing online dating, there were many girls that said they wouldn’t date anyone under 5 foot 10 and filtered me out. There is a dating bias against guys who are short – just google ‘height and dating’ and you’ll get a ton of articles about this. In addition, I didn't come from money or privilege. When I was dating, I was rejected hundreds of times, and suffered through heartbreak after heartbreak. I wasn’t able to date anyone past 3 months until I met my wife, Alena. But that’s what makes this blog unique – it’s not written by a guy who was destined to succeed. If anything, the odds were against me to end up with anyone, yet alone someone as amazing as Alena.
But every time I fell, I got back up and went back to the drawing board, worked to up my game, and with a bit of fate, I eventually found the right person who didn’t care about something superficial like height. And if I can do this, so can you. In the famous words of Marianne Williamson, “As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence actually liberates others.” I want to inspire the underdogs out there. And in talking about underdogs in love...
4. I want this blog to help break stereotypes and change the image of Asian American men. Google ‘Asian American men’ and all the articles that pop up either talk about the difficulties of Asian guys in dating or try to dispels myths about them. Research shows that Asian American men have a tougher time getting a date on OkCupid. And it’s not due to the lack of their education, income, or attractiveness. I think it partly has to do with their game (and this blog should help), and partly how they're seen in society or the lack of their visibility in romantic roles.
In Hollywood, you can likely name 10 white male romantic leads. Can you name even two Asian ones? What we do see instead are Asian guys who are nerdy or who can do kung fu. And that’s not reality. And if I can’t be John Cho, Daniel Dae Kim, or Steven Yuen, I’m going to change that image online in the way I know how – through writing and speaking out.
My goal is to give hope to those Asian men or anyone feeling stereotyped out there that it is possible to succeed in dating, neutralize the BS that’s out there that Asian guys lack in the love department, and normalize the uncommon interracial relationship between Asian males and White females. This is part of the reason why we named this blog Bao Meets Bagel.
Do I think that this one blog will change the world? Not at all. But my hope that it will empower one Asian American guy to succeed and inspire him to do his own blog, and then another and another, until the stereotypes and images become out of date. We can’t wait for media and Hollywood to change stereotypes – we have to make our own images and channel our inner Gandhi to be the change we wish to see. I want my future son, Liam, to have better odds in dating than I had.
5. If nothing else – if just my wife reads this – it’s a nice memento to capture a special time in our lives. I want to capture these thoughts while I'm still young and when it's still fresh in my mind instead of waiting too long and being the middle aged dad giving dating advice by starting with "when I was your age...." J