After our third date, Alena and I continued seeing each other once or twice a week for a few months.  She lived in Maryland and I was in DC, so there were times that I stayed over her place, and she stayed over mine.  Alena, living on a teacher’s salary, lived in a dangerous, dicey area in Suitland, Maryland.  I would normally not visit that area late at night but when you’re in love, you take chances and do stuff that you normally don’t do.  We went food shopping together at the Pentagon City Costco in Virginia, and that always took up half the day since it was an exhausting three State shopping trip driving the food back to DC and Maryland.  When it got rainy and then snowy hauling all that food around, it was definitely an early test of our patience with each other. :-)

We went on a lot of different dates in the beginning, and after about the tenth date around the second month, we decided to make it official – like Facebook official.  Some of the most memorable dates we had early on were:
Dates from left to right: Madame Tussauds Wax Museum in Washington, DC, Dinner at Gordon Ramsay's Maze in New York City, Attending a taping of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, National Portrait Gallery, Maroon 5 concert, First Trip together at Atlantic City during holiday break

Over the years, we also had a lot of fun, awesome get togethers with our family and friends:
Photos from left to right: Group mustache photo at Ocean City, John's 30th birthday at Banana Café, Dim Sum in NYC with parents, Japanese dinner at Tsunami Sushi, 2014 Halloween Party, masquerade ball, Medieval Times, Puerto Rico vacation, golf at Top Golf

Going from Dating Casually to Being in a Relationship

- Take one date at a time.  In the first few months of dating, it’s tempting to jump right into a relationship, but the best thing you can do is live in the moment and have a great time with the person you’re with.  Sooner or later, you’ll find out more about the person’s day to day lifestyle and what makes them tick.  And you’ll find out more about what you both love and want long term.  It’ll become clear to you both whether you should continue on being exclusive or call it quits. 

- It’s best to go on different dates and see that person in different contexts.  Anyone can seem attractive and interesting when you first meet them.  Most people don’t want to look bad in front of a stranger and is on their best behavior.  The important thing is to see how they react in all contexts – at home, at the grocery store, on a trip, when their exhausted or stressed, etc.  For me, there was no single epiphany that made me realize that Alena was someone I should commit to.  It was a series of hints and signs from our different dates that all gradually formed a picture that was clear – she had everything I was looking for, and nothing that was a real dealbreaker.

See if your date gets along with your close friends.  After several dates, when the time is right, have a group hangout with your date and close friends.  See if your date gets along with them.  Your trusted friends will tell you the truth on whether you two are good together.  And if you're invited to hang out with his or her friends, see if you get along with them.  It's not a perfect litmus test, but friends don't let friends date douchebags.

- Let’s talk about sex.  Every couple is different with sex.  Some couples have sex more often in the beginning and then it levels off to a regular amount.  Some couples decide to wait for months or if they’re really conservative, until marriage.  Some couples have sex frequently and keep that going.  My take on sex is that it can enhance a relationship or make it more complicated.  If a couple is finding out with each date that they have a lot in common, and are a match for each other, the sex only makes the relationship better.  If the couple finds out gradually that they are not a match, but are hooking up a lot, that makes it a bit more complicated to break up.  That’s why I’ve advocated in earlier blogs to not hook up too soon.  If things are going well, it’s good to flirt and make out in the first few dates and keep it romantic, but it’s best that both people have a good idea that there’s potential for something real before going all the way.  Also, for the ladies, if you wait a little bit it’s a way to test the guy’s patience to see if he’s really in it for you or for the sex.  Of course, none of this matters if both people are just looking for a fling.   
 


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06/09/2016 2:26am

Thank you for that share. Dating and getting to know somebody really is one good thing first to do before engaging in deeper and more real things. Trying to rush things is not a very good idea and is a very much more inappropriate thing to do, because you might end up leaving a bad impression for yourself, it is as if like you just want something from that someone. If you really are interested as to what you have stated, then you really should first try engaging in more different dates to know more about the person wider and clearer. After all that, then you'll come to realize what to do next or if already needs to stop.

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